that's what people do.
hope things are for the better, though they usually aren't.

rather i didn't miss it. i suddenly remembered in the middle of the day, but i couldn't be bothered to come here and write about it.

looking back, i feel guilt.
i ought to thank those who tolerate my eccentricity, and bitch about those who haven't(haha okay this doesn't happen on thanksgiving right? it just happens on all the other days =P)

i forgot whether last year i actually listed the people i would like to thank. i don't care either way because i'm listing anyhow. it makes me feel alot better.

in no particular order -

lionel
kenny
guen yik
hansen
matthew yang/yeo
huiying, yang yang and hong de
suan tai
zhen yao
samuel
joel
duong
randy
all the 4k people who haven't turned weird
huang cheng daoju guys
and
me.

i'm such an asshole lol, purposely leaving people out. but take my friendship for granted and that's what you get.
bufan is a vengeful person =)
but he's happy because he always get his vegeance.
man this totally beats the purpose of THANKSGIVINGS.

next year, i hope i stay the same, to stay the person i wish i will be, to not join the ranks of the unidentifiable hwachong student tag.

Saturday, 6.30, Athena Fac event

hmm, what to say. i was expecting a totally different experience?

on the bus i was imagining bright lights shining all over the central plaza, with round tables and plastic sheets over them.
then fac comm members would be holding plates of food while people around the table will be laughing like hyenas.
the day would then end with me being drunk from smuggled booze.

the truth is.

unfresh raw chicken, when cooked, tastes like rubber.
unfresh fish when cooked, tastes like fish,
unfresh pork when cooked tastes weird.

okay honestly the food sucks. it was 4$ only, to be fair, but the food still sucks for 4$. =P

the only part i enjoyed was the screening of Ju-On: The Grudge movie.
the movie was honestly nothing special, although it was my first horror movie(yes i'm a pussy)
but watching the girls going all girly is really amusing. i can totally understand why you bring girls to horror movies now.

it was also on saturday that all girls are natural comedians, when paired with a good horror movie.
they also turn into terrific dancers who become exceptionally nimble at jumping when they see a horror movie.
moreover they seem to have more friends to sms to all of a sudden.

ahh, the wonders of being guys.

friends are idiots.
good friends are big idiots.
best friends turn you into damn idiots.

that's you, you idiot.

Pray.







Pray hard.

either pretence or idealism has set in too deeply in you.

tell me that again, and you too.

everyone's talking about exams, so... so shall i.

I FEEL NO FUCKING EXAM STRESS.
OMFG SERIOUSLY I'M NOT OKAY I FEEL NO STRESS.
WHY IT'S ONLY LIKE 1 WEEK LEFT AND I'M STILL THINKING OF SLACKING.

and everyone else is like "omg fuck i'm going to fail promos".
seriously, someone needs to tell me my future depends on this, please?

that's what i believe singapore creates. sometimes i really feel sad just knowing that.

yesterday, near the end of the CT assembly, our dear mr. kent yao(or however you spell it) randomly popped up and went,
"i'm very disappointed in you J1s, you're becoming more rowdy like your seniors. next time, i won't be nicely talking to you like this, i'll come down hard on you."

"next year you'll be J2s.... you'll be seniors. it's hwachong tradition for your juniors to emulate your seniors. so set a good example for your juniors"

aside from the very obvious lame contradiction that we are emulating OUR seniors who are "rowdy", and somehow now we have to turn good so our juniors will follow our example.

my main point though, is how this carrot-and-stick approach makes us into the standardized human robot-like workers.
you know those japanese universities? when the students graduate, the whole uni sometimes wear white inner shirts with black overcoats and take a picture. everyone looks the same, and everyone is,in the future, bound to the menial task of repeating the same mundane work endlessly in their whole lives.

the carrot, would be praising us as "gentlemen" and that we're "better than our seniors" and things like that, things that they 'compliment' us on when we behave in a subservient manner. they would then 'talk nicely to us' and threaten to 'punish you' if you don't follow this behaviour.    while the carrots and sticks they use are really fucking lame, it does seem to work on the general hwachong populace.

carrot-and-stick approaches achieves conditioning of our behaviour. over the years we get scolded for being an asshole, or told that we're a failure if we slack like some shit, and we get praised when we score full marks for exams and taking up CCAs, with full attendances, and SL projects. i believe we're being conditioned to follow orders, expectations of others and fulfill an image of a 'model student'. but really all education systems do is to satisfy society's future needs, and who else but the education system to shape us to fulfill society's needs?

society needs many, many office workers - people who sit in cubicles and slog it out for measly pay from 9am-godknowswhenpm. i just feel that... we're just wanted as workhorses of the future, without complaints to our workload and without objection to any orders. i liken that to machines of the future.

frankly, i am disappointed.

I was just randomly thinking about personality tests. 
you know i wonder why we have them. we never believe them unless we agree with it.
for example the test results are "you're a happy person", and if you think you are, you'd just say this test is accurate.
and if the test says "you're a retarded with a life so screwed you have less skill than bu fan's big toe" you would (not) agree, and you'd say the test is shit and stuff.

now then, why do we even take those tests, since if we don't like the results then we don't believe them.


random thought.     

when you know you screwed up your guitar exam and were contemplating whether you were going to fail your damn exam.

then it comes.

distinction.

god blessed, i am.
i'm glad.

p.s: i'm too lazy to reply comments, sorry, but i do like reading them =P             oh no not yours david, definitely not yours.

notice harder, and you'll find little things happening around you when you do the mundane same old thing of boarding a mrt train to meet your friends.

first, at jurong mrt. on my left there's a shop. and infront of ,and facing, me there's a sales assistant, presumably from that shop.
the assistant turns right and tries to walk into the shop through the door.
*pigeon walks out*
assistant jumps.
i'm amused.

second, on the train, at redhill
"next stop, redhill"
"next stop, redhill"

trains moves on.

following, tiong bahru
"next stop. ..... bahru"
"next stop. ..... .....boo"

lmao.

last, on the train to dhoby ghaut.
*sees indian mom, father and adult son sitting at one corner* (presumably going overseas with all that luggage around them)
indian father arranges hair.
3 seconds later
indian father adjusts sleeve.
10 seconds later
indian father arranges hair again.
2 seconds later
indian father checks his watch
half a minute later
indian son's luggage falls down
indian father looks at luggage
indian father looks at son
indian father reaches out his hand
and arranges his hair.

lol.

indian son picks up luggage and pretends to be nonchalant.

to know that people still remember you, after a year, when almost everyone else changed.
to know that people still care about you although all you've been doing is being a dork.



to know that i can look at the wispy clouds and the moon, and be glad in the understanding.
woe is me, a social being requiring acceptance, but today i am bathed in the simple joy of remembrance.
i feel blessed, and thankful for what i've been given.
may whoever above continuously guide us towards happiness.



thank you.

'our class can be bonded'
'we guys need to take the first step'
'we must this we must that so we won't regret being a separated class'

patience, girls, is a virtue, and it's not only for girls, dimwits.
aside the fact you girls raised up the idea of having a volleyball game to bond the class, the first girl turned up 30 mins late.
you come to the court and act like a pussy, like you don't want to try.
then there's you who come, take a look and leave.
and there's the rest, who can't even look us in the eye because you didn't come.

the guys are not your toys. if they don't understand it, i will make them understand it.
you can have your 09S68 part b, and please don't come to part a.

I am not from your class.

my wick is burnt, the candle will not be lighted anymore, and i walk off into the distant darkness with a tinge of disappointment.

mum: "do you like pretty girls hugging you?"


........




"nope, i'd rather eat them for breakfast."

           it does seem like i'm going to a church. i'm invited to be converted, quite obvious, is the aim of the church. I really wonder if I can find my divine maker somewhere in my heart.
           religion is a good way to soothe the heart. there is someone whom you can turn to in times in weakness, someone to turn to when your mind is clouded with heavy thoughts. it also seems to answer any questions we can have about life.




           i just want to be a religious person, at heart.
           i hope i find my God.

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his with a hand which leaves glitter.

         oh promos. i dread the incoming days, weeks and months. It will be the boring-est of boring-est stuff. i swear, the absolute lack of wit and some sort of humour in our school already turned down my brain, and mood. now, hwa chong will do what it does best, churning out professional rote machines of the future.
        

    

i'm imaginative , and i've a soft spot for cute stuff.
no i don't squeal like girls, but big, huggable, cute soft toys always make me go 'awww'

since young, i've always imagined my soft toys coming alive in the middle of the night, while i'm sleeping.
they'd crawl to my bed, and wake me up, and tell me things out of this world, like
'we'd dance all night to disco when you'll are sleeping'
'we beat up hamtaro the other day cos he's big and he sat on me'

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nightmares;

weird nightmares i have, now i think back.

the scariest 2 that i could remember are, till this day, the funniest things i can think of in my life.

nightmare 1; after watching a channel 8 martial arts drama, i felt myself brimming with wit and bravery, being on top of this world, kicking any ass that belonged to some brown mask-wearing demon with lots of unkempt hair.

that same night, the first and only vivid scene i had, was me in a pot. similiar to those used by witches, with green liquid all around me. turning to my right, there's a brown mask-wearing demon with lots of unkempt hair,            with a giant stirring spoon.

i was being prepared for dinner.

nightmare 2; plain white. at every angle and every person-view. all of a sudden, a speck of dust appeared in the far horizon.
i stood on, curious, as it became bigger and bigger.

soon, i would realise that it was rolling towards me, and it was a huge-ass boulder.

i stood on, a great spectacle, for it became breath-takingly big.

i was squished.

i woke up.



with sweat.
                                      
                                     

everyone needs a place to feel attached to, somewhere to vest his emotions and his feelings, where he will feel the warmth of familiarity and the touch of serenity.

for many, this is a given, for the harbour we call home is something we were bestowed upon birth.
many, especially people of my age and generation, blindly miss that which is, i'd say, too near to their eyes.
i have, in futility, found none in mine.
we are, say probably, a minority who seek and are not answered by our kin,
some are answered by the whispers of God,
others by some being, be it a lover or a close pet companion, whom they can safely put these burden of needs onto.

then there are those like me, who keep searching, but have not found that special something/place yet.
i am in no need of this place yet, for i have myself, which is nothing but a hard exterior, that does nothing to contain the soft spots of human emotions.

yet i yearn for
a place where i can feel safe, and in comfort, knowing this is mine, and it gives me a sense of calm instead of pleasure. or
a person whom i can feel safe with, knowing that whatever defensiveness or spiteness i show, in or from me is crafted solely for protecting myself instead of harming others.


i hate being honest with myself, i stab myself where i don't allow others to. why then, do i erect walls of nonchalance to everything?

the fact that i have a choice, is an illusion.

every choice that i make, has been and will be changed by the environment in which I exist.
no choice i make is truly what my heart desires, unless, it is abiding by other's wants.
therefore, i am without a real choice.

sounds so negative and flawed. meh, shouldn't be the case.

when i feel the itch to write, i'll have a blog.

if you have anything you want me to write on, god bless it be no nonsense, say so, i'll be glad to do you that favour.